The Rant Of The Week: Action Soap Opera

Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord and this is the often imitated but not quite duplicated Rant Of The Week. As always I am coming to you from my bunker in the urban slum that is Brooklyn, New York and I have to say I am going back and forth on this decision to retire from column writing. Writing these rants has provided a nice outlet for me to unleash years of built up anger that I’ve suppressed deep down within me. I just don’t know if I am ready to give that up yet. As a budding screen writer it also helps to just keep writing to keep the gears turning so to speak. I guess ultimately it will come down to my mood and energy levels. If college takes too much of a toll on me I will call it quits, but for now the light at the end of the tunnel is a far way’s off.

As I sit here and type this on a damp and stormy night I think about the news of the death of Larry Sweeney at the age of 29 a week ago. As someone who battles depression I know the feeling of the lows where you feel life is not worth living. Larry Sweeney by all accounts was probably the one guy on the Indy’s who could have been the next big thing if he got the chance. In a career that was only half a decade long, Sweeney became a hot young star that was a throw back to the good old days of wrestling. As an old school heel in the ring and as a swarmy asshole manager outside, Sweeney was tipped for stardom if he got the chance. Sadly this was not to be and Larry will be remembered for the wealth of material he left behind in his short career. Larry will have a legacy where he influences a whole new crop of managers on the Indy scene.



I can only hope whatever pain and suffering he was going through is now over and he is in a better place.

If you are looking for a great tribute to Larry, check out the tribute done by KAF Productions (www.kafproductions.org) by clicking on the link below

http://youtu.be/9JkDjUZEySo

I honestly don’t know how to move onto another topic in a proper way so…. yeah.

As you’ve probably heard by now the WWE is no longer a “wrestling” company. They have rebranded themselves as a Global Media Conglomerate. You see there are Universal, News Corp, Disney, and now WWE. The word wrestling is now gone from the title much like chicken is gone from KFC. Yeah wrestling is still part of the company, but it’s only a small portion of the overall brand.

I know I know this is all quite amusing. But Vince is dead serious about making himself the new Rupert Murdoch. You know I can see the similarities between the two. Vince is trying to start the WWE network. Rupert started Fox in the mid 80’s. Both are generally hated by everyone but still respected. Vince has quite the way to go if he wants to become Rupert Murdoch. Perhaps he sees himself more as a Michael Eisner then Rupert Murdoch. Either way I don’t think this rebranding is going to work for one small reason.



See that? It’s called a wrestling ring. Inside the ring they have grapping contests that are traditionally referred to as “wrestling”. Now I know wrestling is a dirty word in McMahon land, but no amount of rebranding will change the fact that the WWE is a WRESTLING company.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for the WWE trying to reach new limits and bounds for their product. It’s just you can’t proclaim to be the top promotion in the land and be embarrassed by being just a lowly wrestling company. The problem is no matter what the WWE does they will always be a wrestling company. Hell most non-wrestling fans still call all wrestling “WWF”. You have to work within your limits. I think the XFL could have actually succeeded had it not been seen as just an extension of the WWF. If McMahon were a silent partner then maybe it would have worked. But as we saw it was all about Vince and you damn well know if this network ever gets off the ground the first thing we’ll see is Vince in all his glory talking about how he’s created the next great evolution in entertainment.

Speaking of entertainment, apparently this memo to the WWE’s foreign broadcasters was leaked earlier this weak and published by www.f4wonline.com

If you listen to WWE broadcasts then you know how there are buzzwords that all the announcers have to use while calling matches. If you live in France or Germany and here the following over and over, now you know why.

BANNED: Catch, Wrestling
APPROVED: WWE

BANNED: Catchers, Wrestlers
APPROVED: WWE Superstars

BANNED: Sports
APPROVED: Entertainment or Action Soap Opera

BANNED: Athletes, Sportsmen
APPROVED: "Entertainers with tremendous athletic prowess"

BANNED: Fight
APPROVED: Match, Bout

BANNED: Fighting
APPROVED: Action

Also, the memo has three "key soundbites" for voiceovers to communicate:

1) WWE is pure entertainment.
2) WWE is an action soap opera.
3) WWE Superstars are entertainers with tremendous athletic prowess

With the last three I can just see Vince yelling and screaming at some meeting for everyone to emphasize all of that.

ITS ENTERTAINMENT DAMN IT.

If the WWE is a soap opera then they have a hell of a lot of work to do. This week as you know, the schmuck who runs ABC Daytime made the decision to cancel All My Children and One Life To Live. Now I will admit I am an avid viewer of One Life To Live. I have it set on my DVR.

The WWE has had plenty of soap opera stories over the years, but none of them really matched up to a real soap opera storyline. Most of the good angles they have done usually get cut short because either it didn’t get over how they wanted or someone in a position of power sabotaged it for their own personal reasons. Vince apparently said that the WWE is looking to acquire other brands of entertainment. Well I have a freebie for you guys. If you want to get the WWE network up and running, buy One Life To Live and All My Children. If you have $70 million that you are willing to spend, why not spend it on something that will bring guaranteed viewers to the network.

It’s just a thought.

I brought up the soap opera thing because the WWE have hired an actual writer who is actually successful.

Emmy winning TV writer Tom Cassielo confirmed on his Twitter that he has been hired WWE to work on their creative team. Cassielo has worked on various soap operas in the past including Days of Our Lives and The Young & The Restless.

I’m not sure what he exactly wrote on Days Of Our Lives, but if you have an Emmy that brings instant credibility to your body of work. Now I don’t expect there to be pregnancy angles with multiple fathers. But the WWE could stand to have a super villain in the realm of Stefano Dimera. Hell Mr. McMahon was the WWE’s version of Victor Newman.

Of course how long Mr. Cassielo lasts in the WWE is a whole other issue. If you’ve heard the horror stories of what it’s like to work for Vince McMahon then you’ll understand why.

The WWE just isn’t a place where creativity is embraced. I mean if it were I would have a lot less to write about. Sure creative things do happen, but for the most part the far more interesting things always get stifled before they can even begin. Basically the way it’s been described by former WWE writers like Paul Heyman, Dave Lagana, Court Bauer, and others is writing for the WWE is like negotiating a mine field. You never know what’s going to happen next thanks to Vince’s mood swings.

While writers for sitcoms, drama’s, soap’s, ect might last on a successful show for years…a WWE writer is considered lucky if they last weeks or months. They are probably considered blessed if they make it to years. The WWE is a machine that grinds people down and spits them out. You have to tip toe around the minefields to make sure not to upset the wrong people.

Matthew Randazzo V in the July 2008 issue of Powerslam Magazine wrote the following.

New writers learn that a creative team survivor is a writer who understands that the McMahon family's faith in their employees is fickle, and impossible to restore when lost. The key to survival is simple: caution, caution, caution. Always agree with the McMahon’s and their favorites, relentlessly curry their approval, never draw attention to yourself, never complain and never take a bold or risky step because a single stumble can be fatal.

Say a prayer for Tom Cassielo. He’s going to need it.

Earlier I was listening to The Honky Tonk Man’s Internet radio show and he was scoffing at the notion of a soap writer being hired. He said, “If he’s a soap writer he should go write soaps”. Normally I am inclined to agree with Honky, but the guy has an Emmy so automatically that makes him better then a lot of the “Hollywood” types the WWE has hired in the past. Besides we all know that in the end you could have a dream team of wrestling writers in the WWE but the buck stops with Vince McMahon. He decides the direction so if Vince wants to make the WWE an “Action Soap Opera” then you might as well have an actual soap writer who was successful as part of the machine.

Honky’s show on HTMRadio.com is pretty good to listen to and Honky is great with all the pot shots he was taking at Hulk Hogan and TNA. Honky claims to have a “high ranking TNA official” feeding him some scoops that have been pretty great to listen to so far. TNA really is the gift that keeps on giving and as long as Panda Energy keeps on funding them, there will be a wealth of material for the IWC.

Of course the only downside to TNA continuing to be in business is that watching TNA tends to suck the life right out of you. I should know. I mean why else is it taking me a month now to do a follow up to an f’n column.

TNA continues to suck the life out of me as I watch it. I see glimmers of hope every now and then but they almost always find a way to make me want to throw my remote at the television.

Apparently Janice Carter is now in control of TNA since Dixie couldn’t handle things and everything is on the table to try and salvage the sinking ship. They might be changing the name of TNA at some point because of a rebranding to emphasize that they are a wrestling company. Janice also doesn’t like all these old guys and has specifically ordered Ric Flair to not take his shirt off on television because “its disgusting”. So of course at the ppv the other night Flair was stripped out of his shirt and pants and looked like a bloody and battered leathery corpse.

Oddly enough Flair was way more over then anyone else on the card. God bless him but people just love Nat’ch and we can never hate him. We can feel sorry for him as he continues to destroy his legacy (but three alimony’s at 62 will do that to you). After seeing him in the Lockdown match, there is money to be made off a Ric Flair/James Storm feud. Now I know making money is a foreign concept to TNA. But the little interaction they had with Flair begging not to be hit with the bottle was one of the funniest things I’ve seen Flair do in ages. Crazy Ric Flair and Drunken James Storm would write it self. There’s so much wacky sports entertainment one could do with them just by putting them in a bar.

As much as people love Robert Roode, for me personally I’ve always thought Storm could easily be a main eventer. If there is a TNA original that deserves a singles run it’s Storm. Now whether he wants it or not is a whole other issue. I believe I read somewhere that Storm is happy as a tag wrestler. Of course this is TNA so it’s not like they would even use him right anyway.

TNA has had so many good things just land in their laps and they always screw it up. Remember Jay Lethal? Remember when he beat Ric Flair and finally looked like he would be moving up in the world? Yeah that didn’t last too long did it. Still pisses me off how they completely dropped the ball with Jay Lethal.

TNA’s biggest problem to combat with any potential rebranding is they have to work on the fact no one outside the loyal fan base knows they exist. If TNA is going to somehow pull off a major miracle and rebrand itself as a “wrestling company” they need to seriously get some people know how to market before they do anything else.

While I’m on the subject of TNA I feel I must speak as a fan after seeing Kurt Angle almost kill himself on a PPV that almost no one saw.

For those of you who didn’t see the ULTRA MALE RULES (what ever the fuck that is) match with Jeff Jarrett, in the third fall they decided to go all out and at one point Kurt was on the top rope with Jeff and he decided why not go for a Super Frankensteiner. A move that under of the best of circumstances is difficult to pull off. Somewhere in mid flight it was either supposed to be countered into a Superbomb or Kurt just didn’t get the right rotation. Either way he practically landed on his head. Of course TNA’s crack production team had a horrible shot to begin with so I thought I saw Kurt Angle die upon impact. Replays showed it was not as horrifying as I thought I saw, but never the less it was highly insane. Then no more then a minute or two later Kurt is up on the top of the cage trying to escape and since his escape is being thwarted by Gunner, Kurt decides to say a prayer and then go for his Hail Mar Moonsalt and he completely misses Jarrett on the bottom.

Basically he did a giant belly flop into the proverbial empty pool.

Kurt I’ve been a fan of yours since you debuted in the WWF in 1999. I know your neck is held together by bubble gum and chicken wire. Why in God’s name do you continue to wrestle such a high-risk style for a company that is not deserving of it? Look at Rob Van Dam. He’s capable of putting on show stealing matches every single night. Does he? Hell no. He does the bare minimum and phones it in. Look at Sting. Sting despite what people say can still wrestle at a very high level. But he realizes he’s at a point in his career where he doesn’t have to bust his ass.

Kurt I think I speak for most fans when I say please slow down. We want to see Kurt Angle in twenty years being able to walk. Just phone it in like everyone else does. Until TNA starts acting like a real wrestling company it is not worth killing yourself in the hopes of a couple hundred extra buys on PPV or DVD.

Edge just had to retire because of his neck being all FUBAR. I can only imagine what your neck must be like. I do not want to see you end up like Mitsuharu Misawa where that wrong suplex ends up killing you. Yes what happened to him was by all accounts a fluke accident, but it’s a risk we as fans would rather not see you take.

You are an Olympic Gold medal winner. As a wrestling fan I’d rather see you stick to the ground and submission game then doing the insane shit. So please Kurt no more super frankensteiners and moonsalts into the empty pool.

On that note I am done for this week. I believe I have come to a decision about the future of this column. Due to the fact I don’t do this on a weekly or even bi-weekly basis I am going to retire the name The Rant Of The Week. I’m not going to go anywhere, but in its place will be The Phantom Rant.

What can I say other then I suck at titles. But I’m still using the pen name Phantom Lord and I rant better then everyone else so The Phantom Rant seems like a nice fit. Plus I signed up for a Blip.tv account and if I ever get around to doing it I’m going to have a vlog of sorts on there called The Phantom Rant so I’m covering my basis across the Interwebs.

So until next time take care and remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.

You can click here to send me any and all feedback at phantomlordnyc@yahoo.com or leave me some feedback on my Facebook page under my given name http://www.facebook.com/josephrd

The Rant Of The Week: Same Ol' Situation

Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester Of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord and this is The Rant Of The Week. Maybe it’s high time I renamed this column because it’s officially bi-weekly at this point. Hell it’s been a month since my last column so maybe I should just drop the “Of The Week” part all together. I’m really at a crossroads as a column writer because much like the newspaper industry I see the writing on the wall for the future.

Now I started this column probably a week and a half ago but things just kept getting in the way. So I’ve come to the decision that I should retire from column writing. In the span that I had been trying to work on this column more then a few big stories came and went and it just doesn’t work when you have to keep editing and editing to make sure your column is as up to date as possible. Now I’m not going to announce my retirement and then keep coming back like Terry Funk. I also have no intentions of pulling a page out of the playbooks of KISS, The Rolling Stones, and numerous other bands. When I’m done I will be done with writing. I might move on to the aforementioned web cam stuff. I dabbled in podcasts a few years ago so I know how to do those. Like I said it’s just easier from a content standpoint to use a medium to put it up quickly rather then let it sit around and be outdated.

You might be asking yourself “what exactly has gotten Phantom to throw in the towel”.

Oh it was a lot of things, but one thing in particular made me realize I just can’t keep doing this anymore.



It was after I saw this I came to the conclusion that if I continued to write columns I would be writing the same thing over and over and over and over AND OVER AND OVER AND BY GOD OVER.

I’m sure we’ve all heard this quote from Albert Einstein because I think it sums up TNA in a nutshell.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

All I can say is Fuck Hulk Hogan. Seriously, Fuck him. I feel sorry for him with his back problems because you know back problems do suck. He had to really be bad off to have a spinal fusion done. But just because I feel sorry for Hogan doesn’t mean that translates to me wanting to see his old crippled ass on television. For someone who was saying how he wanted to “give back to the business” last year and how he would take TNA to the next level all he has done is kept them in the same damn spot. Hogan is very much like Verne Gange in the late 70’s and early 80’s. It’s all about him. Matter of fact if Hogan could do a leg drop with out fear of his plastic hip shattering you know damn well he would be TNA World Champion right now.

Now you know how I feel while writing these things. I’ve been saying the same things over and over for years about TNA and it’s always the same thing about TNA in the end. They take one step forward and a billion steps back. I just can’t take it anymore so I am done. I’ll do a proper farewell and then that will be that.

But until then there’s some of that wrestling stuff still going on so maybe for my own sanity I should focus on it.

Last week on RAW we saw the payoff to the 2-21-11 videos when The Undertaker was able to finally free himself from being entombed in the Buried Alive set and he made his grand return. I’m glad he was able to get out of that thing finally because no one helped him the night of the match. Poor guy would have been stuck in there until the next time they pulled that thing out of storage.

Oh I’m only kidding. Old Man Inc was in the repair shop for the last couple of months for his semi-annual tune up. Unfortunately for all of us the WWE couldn’t convince Sting to get off his lazy ass and do something worthwhile. So we all are going to be blessed with The Undertaker vs. Triple H at Wrestlemania 27. It’s no secret that Triple H is thinking about retiring so he can continue his ascension to the throne of the corporate side of the WWE (he is the son Vince never had after all). Not to say the match it self wouldn’t be good, it’s just the story behind it that is supposed to get lowly fans like me interested will suck. If they wanted to build interest for this then Triple H should have been the one to attack The Undertaker during the buried alive match a few months ago. Then you could have let it stew as to why Triple H would have done such a thing. This entire match means if it does happen is Wade Barrett who deserves a moment to shine is now S.O.L.

Speaking of Triple H wow did he ever bury not only the entire WWE roster but also Sheamus in one fell swoop. He’s not getting ready to retire. Hell he’s just getting warmed up. If he’s anything like Ric Flair we’re going to be seeing him still doing this shit leading into Wrestlemania 47 sometime in the year 2031. I’ll talk more about the WWE wanting to push new stars a little later, but when one of the top guys does something like this it’s a little hard for those new guys to get over. It’s a shame because Sheamus is so awesome and he deserves far better then this. I hope he gets sent to Smackdown where he can be far away from the glass ceiling with Cena and Triple H.

Wrestlemania 27 is at the moment looking like a rather weak card. As it is Vince is banking on the intrigue around The Rock and John Cena finally coming face to face. The main events for the card are The Miz defending against John Cena and Edge taking on Royal Rumble winner Alberto Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship. The only one of those matches I am interested in is Del Rio vs. Edge because the time is now for Del Rio.

I have been a fan of Edge’s since he came to the WWF back in 1998. But man if this is him winding down his career it’s going to be with a real whimper and thud. Since Edge can’t be Rated R and everything he was during his peak as a real sleazy asshole he has been so boring to watch character wise. Wrestling wise he’s still fine in the ring even if he’s just phoning it in. But Edge as a bland face is just boring as hell. This feud with Ziggler has been pretty meh to say the least. The matches have been fine; it’s just the story part of it that has sucked.

Don’t get me wrong I love Vickie Guerrero. People could take lessons from her on how to get hate from a crowd. But I just never could take Dolph Ziggler seriously because of well the name Dolph Ziggler. I get he’s supposed to be I guess the new Mr. Perfect (at least that’s what I get from the theme song). But as usual the WWE gives me no real reason to care about any of this stuff. I think the thing that killed Ziggler was when he kept coming up short for the Intercontinental title in 2009. That was really his time to shine and in typical WWE fashion they just didn’t have the balls to pull the trigger on him. Apparently Vince McMahon is all about pushing new stars now…at least according to the latest investor conference call. Of course to the WWE pushing new stars means putting them in high profile matches only to dick them around and make them look like shit for a year.

It’s really an odd thing. Basically the WWE figures if they take a young star and treat them like crap for long enough, by the time they are ready to give them the push they will know if they are loyal and will stay with the company thus worth the push to begin with. Personally if Ziggler stayed after being a member of The Spirit Squad where Triple H & SHAWN Michaels decimated them each and every week then odds are he will stick around for the long haul.

Personally I can’t figure out WWE booking when it comes to new stars. They have a bunch of guys who are ready for the next level and they refuse to do anything with them. Take John Morrison for example. There is no reason why this guy shouldn’t be at least a two-time former world champion by now. With the way the belt is thrown around sometimes you think he would have gotten at least a token run by now. There was the story about Vince basically not seeing John Morrison as a man because he let Batista get away with banging Melina with out fighting him. I’m sure there are a lot of pro wrestlers who pussies in real life…but what that has to do with their abilities in the ring and to draw money I have no idea. We’ve at least gotten something good with The Miz as WWE Champion. Miz is pretty much Rowdy Roddy Piper to John Cena’s Hulk Hogan. People do complain about Miz being booked weak and not actually winning matches on his own. People in my age bracket can remember that Roddy Piper during the height of his wars with Hogan never actually won a match. He almost always lost by countout or DQ. Only difference is back then feuds were stretched over the whole year and now they have to be condensed into a two-month cycle to fit into PPV schedules.

A lot of people breathed a sigh of relief when Jerry Lawler didn’t get a token WWE Championship win at the Elimination Chamber PPV. I am not one of them because I love The King and I would have liked to see him win the big one. In the world of the WWE, the King winning the AWA World Title in 1988 might doesn’t count as a big one. It’s just the company’s directive. If you ever played the last few Smackdown games you will notice things like only when they started in the WWE count as a debut. It was quite amusing to see Ric Flair and his debut listed as in 1991.

Despite all of that The King has been outstanding and Michael Cole really is a great tremendous asshole. Now we have a match heading into Wrestlemania 27 with Lawler vs. Cole. Cole is having Jack Swagger train him and he gets to pick a special guest referee. There are plenty of theories all over the Internet from the RAW GM to Stone Cold Steve Austin being the referee. Who ever the referee is really is an after thought. What people are missing is the fact they are totally redoing Lawler vs. Kaufman with this angle.

If the WWE had any guts, they would get Tony Clifton to be the special guest referee. I’m sure Andy would get a huge laugh out of that.

Of course getting Andy himself probably would be a much more logical choice to be the referee. Come on Andy it’s been 27 years. Wrestlemania 27…seems like a good time as any to finally make that comeback.

As for the match don’t expect anything spectacular. In fact I suggest everyone watch the original Lawler/Kaufman match. I have a feeling it will be exactly like that down to the stalling on the outside. Some people would prefer this match not to be on Wrestlemania. Perhaps they are right, but it’s not like the WWE has anything else of interest planned.

Just about one month to go and there are only four confirmed matches. Money In The Bank is probably off the show because it has it’s own shitty ppv. There probably will be a divas match of some sort. Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio is a strong possibility (I actually would like to see this match)…other then that nothing. If they are going to make the push for the show they should really start. If the show is being built around Cena and Rock coming face to face that is a hell of a gamble especially for a show that costs $54.95 in this economy.

You can see why I am becoming so disillusioned.

I’m sure it’s going to probably be a good show. Will it be worth $54.95? No way in hell. There was so much promise for things in the WWE after Summer Slam and into the months leading into The Survivor Series. But they never pulled the trigger on Nexus and now that group is dead in the water. Oh yeah I forgot Randy Orton vs. CM Punk would be a match at Wrestlemania. Too bad I don’t care about the build up for it. Though Punk continuing to call him Randal is very amusing. That should be a really good match that would be way better suited as a title match rather then a blow off to a horrible lower card feud.

Orton needs a change of venue as well. He is just so out of place on RAW. Plus next to John Cena he throws some of the worst punches in all of wrestling. Orton is one of the lucky ones though considering he was able to salvage his career after Triple H sabotaged it back in 2004. Hell being the conspiracy theorist that I am, part of me believes Triple H intentionally injured Randy Orton in that last man standing match when he chucked him over the top rope and right onto the floor. Randy is a survivor though which is good. Like I said, Punk/Orton should be a good match despite the dumb angle leading into it. It’s really amazing how bad Nexus is.

Speaking of Nexus, the latest edition to the group is Mason Ryan. Mason Ryan looks like the WWE’s version of the “I LIFT THINGS UP AND PUT THEM DOWN” body builder in these commercials for Planet Fitness here in the NYC area.



If you haven’t seen the commercial here’s a link to it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-cpojkILO0

Mason Ryan is another example of a guy they just threw out there for no reason. If we don’t have a reason to care don’t be so surprised when we don’t.

Well I found that funny and if you’ve ever heard him chime in during a backstage segment with his random Welsh sayings the only thing missing from them is him saying I LIFT THINGS UP AND PUT THEM DOWN. Funny thing is a guy like that still is the WWE’s vision of the perfect sports entertainer.

In closing the WWE signed Mexican Lucha Libre star Mistico. He will be now known as Sin Cara and I hope to God they put him on Smackdown. Putting him on RAW will do nothing for him. To be honest I have not really seen enough of his ring work to have a proper opinion on him, but he is apparently supposed to be everything Rey Mysterio used to be if not more. Rey’s body is breaking down at an alarming rate so the WWE was smart in getting someone who could essentially be the new Rey Mysterio. His only downside is he doesn’t speak English too well. He probably shouldn’t have to cut promos, but this is the WWE so we can expect him to be in wacky backstage skits as he “learns the style”.

If he goes to RAW I’m sure many on the Internet would have an orgasm at the prospect of a Daniel Bryan match with him. Lucky for us the WWE wants to crack the Latin market so I don’t think he’ll be made a joke. But this is the WWE and Mistico is smaller then Rey Mysterio back in the mid 90’s. So I’m sure there are people in “the office” saying he doesn’t have the right look. Mexican box office receipts disagree and hopefully they realize that. We shall see what happens in the coming weeks and months. I hope my cynicism is wrong and Sin Cara takes off like a rocket and carry’s Smackdown into the new decade.

On that note I am done for this week. I’m going to be honest here and just say I don’t know when my next column will be. I would like to do one in the week before Wrestlemania so I can have a nice mop up one for the week after. Perhaps my decision to retire will change, but at the moment I don’t think so. Until then though remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.

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The Rant Of The Week: Lesnar, Punk, & Concussions

Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord and this is The Rant Of The Week. As always I am coming to you from the greatest city on the face of the earth…Brooklyn, New York and winter is damn near upon us. The temperatures are dropping and the stiff winds are coming off the water. It really is winter in New York. A new year is upon us and we all ready have gotten more snow then we ever want to see for the rest of winter. The blizzard hit us here in Brooklyn last week pretty damn hard as the city somehow was caught off guard. On my Facebook page I posted some pics of the snow and those mountains of slush will be around for a while. As for me my first term back in college is finished and I’m on break for about a month. It’s amazing how going back to school has re-energized my brain. A year ago I was contemplating what I was going to do with the rest of my life and now here I am.

A lot can change in a year (well except for TNA, anything with them is a given). If you asked anyone odds are no one would have thought The Miz could break through the glass ceiling of Monday Night RAW and become WWE Champion. Then again a year ago I would have never guessed that Michael Cole of all people would become one of the best heels in all of wrestling. If this were the mid 80’s he would be Jimmy Hart. He’s getting that much heat right now. It’s a shame that Vince is convinced there is no money to be made in managers because a Michael Cole led stable with The Miz, Alex Riley, and a couple of other douche bag’s to round it out would be great stuff. Of course they would just probably end up doing what they did to Nexus and piss it all away within six months anyway. But like I said, a lot can happen in a year. For all I know this time next year I could be writing about how great the Coleminers faction has been.

So as the year came to a close I’m honestly surprised at how a lot of things haven’t really changed. Sure we got something great with The Miz winning the WWE Title and Kane finally getting the long World Title run he’s deserved for years, but other then that it’s still the same interchangeable stuff. The Nexus angle had so much promise and potential to be this generations n.w.o, but the WWE didn’t haven’t the balls to pull the trigger on Wade Barrett and the rest of the group. Even when things looked bad and it looked like they redeemed the Nexus by having John Cena forced to join them they still ended up screwing that up. God forbid John Cena have to look weak and subservient. Oh sure there were a few times when he was “humiliated”, but they never went full force to what could have been done to him. He continued wearing all that God-awful merchandise of his. Little kids love Cena so they’ll beg mommy & daddy to buy it (whether he’s wearing it or not). The Nexus angle had so much potential at this point but as I said the WWE just never did anything with it. I don’t know what Vince’s problem is when it comes to making money. Sure occasionally he does something right but most of the time it’s his decisions that screw everything up. All major corporations have an owner that an army of yes men and women suck up to so he’s not alone in this. But you would think even Vince McMahon who is usually about a decade behind in what is hip would have seen the potential for Nexus.

I will get to John Cena in a little bit because incase you didn’t hear the news, HE’S BACK. THE JOHN CENA OF OLD IS BACK. I swear the more they used that line during RAW and Smackdown the more I wanted to throw something at the television. When the WWE machine is in full tilt, it gets really annoying real quick what they are trying to shove down our collective throats. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have a bit of a sore throat right now (figuratively and literally).

Since I brought up the marketing geniuses at the WWE it boggled my mind to read last week that Kaval a.k.a. Low Ki had been released. There are a few versions of what exactly happened going around the Internet. Basically either he asked for his release because he felt they weren’t using him to his best abilities or they released him because the locker room snakes told management that he was a primadonna of sorts. For the longest time there were rumors that Kaval would feud with Rey Mysterio. Kaval would come in as a new highflying luchador to rival Mysterio. Mysterio would even be the heel depending on the reports. Either way it would have been an awesome feud and probably a license to print money. Well as we know most things that sound awesome in a news report don’t end up happening and Kaval was stuck in FCW. After breaking his ankle and coming back he ended up on NXT season 2 and won the WWE.com and pro’s polls to win the season 2 title of next break out star. I think it was clear the WWE wanted Alex Riley or Michael McGillicutty to win, but Kaval had the backing of the Internet who by far was the only part of the WWE fan base who actually bothered to watch the show.

Apparently the WWE is at a point where if someone says they want to walk away they just grant them their release. There’s no real competition so even if someone did leave the WWE to go to TNA or ROH, in the WWE’s mind it’s no big deal. Low Ki isn’t going to be hard up for work. He’ll get a ton of Indy dates and command top dollar now that he’s a former WWE superstar. Plus he also has Japan which is where he can be the wrestler he loves to be. Low Ki was the student of Homicide at the Dog House wrestling school here in Brooklyn and many of us in the North East are excited at the prospect of Homicide and Low Ki reuniting The Rottweiler’s or even The Strong Style Thugs. It had to be a shock to many in the WWE that they just let him walk. I mean despite his size (only being 5 foot 4 inches tall), Kaval had a very marketable look and persona in the ring. His voice alone was very marketable considering you don’t see many guys who look like him and sound like Barry White. But in the WWE, size is king and if Kaval were another six inches taller they would have at least given him a decent push. But as usual WWE Creative had nothing for him. It’s amazing how these people keep their jobs. There are so many budding writers out there (including me) who could probably come up with something for just about everyone on the roster and these guys just coast along. Yes I know that lower card guys are not a top priority, but anytime I hear creative has nothing for you I think bullshit.

Now between the time I wrote that last paragraph and the one I am starting to type now, I would say at least a week has passed. When writers block hits me…it hits me hard. Last Monday on RAW we saw Nexus get a second chance as they once again beat the piss out of John Cena all to reveal they had a new leader…C.M. Punk. Earlier in the night Punk had read Cena the riot act for being a hypocrite and Cena to his credit did manage to keep up with him with his usual juvenile humor that only little kids and women find funny. Having Punk back as a pseudo David Koresh with the Nexus as his army to do his bidding is going to be some fun stuff. If John Cena is supposed to be Superman, then C.M. Punk is Lex Luthor. Cena is the Terminator…then Punk is John Connor…well that one wouldn’t work for the WWE’s marketing purposes but it works for me damn it. The WWE dodged a major bullet the other night, as it was feared that Cena suffered a major injury at a house show when he didn’t get back up after taking The Wasteland slam from Wade Barrett. Luckily for all involved, it appears to be just a hip pointer so he shouldn’t miss significant time.

As it is right now the WWE is in desperation mode trying to figure out what to do for Wrestlemania 27. The Undertaker might be ready for Wrestlemania if they are lucky. If they lost Cena odds are we would have seen Vince do something batshit insane to compensate for the loss. Wrestlemania’s used to be so much easier in the old days when it didn’t hinge on celebrity appearances. The WWE would love to get Brock Lesnar in some form for Wrestlemania, but the UFC is making it very clear he is under contract to them so that won’t be happening. There’s still a lot of time between now and then so maybe Vince and Dana can come to an agreement of some sort. Of course Vince might have a fit if the letters U F C are actually said on WWE programming. When Rampage Jackson was on RAW earlier this year, Vince ordered he be only referred to as an MMA Star. Brock is a very good businessman and he knows he can get an easy seven-figure payday from Vince for thirty minutes of work at Wrestlemania. There’s some reports being spread around that after his loss to Cain Velasquez, Brock is thinking of getting out of the fight game sooner rather then later. Brock is content with staying at home on his farm with his family and hunting with his friends. If he can milk some more money out of everyone before he retires from competition then he’s going to do it. I hope some sort of deal is worked out because I’d love to see Brock vs. Undertaker after the big confrontation moments after Brock’s loss to Velasquez. The Undertaker is one of those guys who were born a decade too early. He’s at the end of his career, but he loves MMA.

Mixing in submission moves breathed new life into his career during the last ten years or so. One of the best matches of The Undertaker’s that I love is his match with Ken Shamrock from Backlash 99. Seeing a match like that with Brock would be fun stuff. I don’t necessarily want to see Brock be the one to end the streak, but it would be nice to see The Undertaker have probably one last great Wrestlemania match. His matches against Lesnar earlier in the decade are classics…especially the Hell in a Cell where The Taker probably lost a legit pint of blood during the process of it. It’s a shame Brock left the WWE when he did. I mean I know why he did. The grind of being in the WWE got to him and from the mindset of an athlete, he wasn’t challenged. He tried his hand at football with the Vikings and I remember at Wrestlemania 20 the crowd at MSG calling him a sellout. In retrospect he should have tried out for the Jets or Giants to get on their good side. But just imagine if Brock didn’t leave in 2004 and he stuck around at least for a couple of more years even on a limited basis. There could have been some amazing matches to be had with Batista and Orton who were much better in the latter part of the decade then the earlier part. Brock vs. C.M. Punk would have been the ultimate contrast in styles that would have made for an awesome main event at the Royal Rumble or Summerslam.

I think had Brock still decided to leave the WWE but continue wrestling professionally, even if he somehow was able to go to TNA it would have made no difference. People who have no clue what they are doing ran TNA back then much they do right now. If Brock Lesnar went to TNA it would have been like a gift from God himself. Sure there probably would have been some amazing matches. But no one would have known about them or seen them except for the small-dedicated loyal and stubborn fan base TNA has. I really don’t like bashing TNA. Yes I’m sure you are laughing after reading that comment considering so many of my columns over the last few years have been about tearing apart TNA for every stupid thing they do. But for me personally I don’t like do it. There’s enough in TNA to obviously keep me watching. It’s just they could be so much bigger then what they are right now. It has nothing to do with the talent. If they want to book the company like a rehash of late 1990’s WCW then that’s fine by me. What kills me is they don’t know how to market anything to save their life. No one outside of the TNA fan base watches the shows. Sure the shows aren’t perfect, but there’s no reason Impact can’t be pulling closer to a 1.7 then the usual 1.0-1.2 it does.

I honestly believe this year is going to be the make or break year for TNA. It’s time they either put up or shut up. They cannot continue to make a meek existence while professing to be the “alternative” to the WWE. I will give them a little credit. The angle they are doing with Mr. Anderson and his post concussion issues have been pretty good. We all know how serious the issue with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) is becoming in the worlds of Wrestling, MMA, Boxing, Football, and just about any other sport where someone might get their brain sloshed around over and over. Ever since the Benoit murder/suicide the WWE has gone to great lengths to cover up and ignore the dangers of CTE. To them it simply does not exist. All the wrestlers who have died in the last couple of years include Andrew ‘Test’ Martin and Chris Kanyon who had severely damaged brains from years of wrestling, to the WWE they say “oh well it must have been something else. We take great care of our superstars”. TNA as bad as they are, at least they are shining some light on this issue (even though they continue to mock concussions with Eric Young who has now become retarded from one too many). I think it’s pretty obvious though that it will come out that Anderson faked the whole thing (story wise anyway). He used it to get into Matt Morgan’s head and he’s going to play possum at the right moment to steal a win.

He is an Asshole after all. I think that would be a pretty awesome douchebag move to pull if it were to happen. I’m not holding my breath for anything great to happen, but we shall see.

Now speaking of Assholes, as I mentioned earlier in case you missed it…JOHN CENA IS BACK EVERYONE. My God that might be the most annoying thing the WWE has created since coining the phrase WWE Universe (which just shut down btw). It’s Michael Cole’s announcing that drives me nuts mostly as he does his over selling on this. One minute Cole is riding The Miz’s dick and the next he’s all about John Cena. John Cena never left to begin with. It might have been fun if when he was fired that he was FIRED. I think we all could have lived with no Cena for a month as Wade Barrett gloated about running the great purple menace from the WWE. But noooo, the WWE had to build another shitty PPV with no purpose where Cena finally got his win back. I know it’s same damn formula they used with Hogan in the 80’s, but at least back then they spaced this stuff out a little bit. Now it’s rapid fire every single month.

There was this news bit from I believe the Observer that pointed out just how the WWE is doing with all these cookie cutter PPV’s

Through the first 11 months of 2010, World Wrestling Entertainment garnered 1,941,000 domestic pay-per-view buys from 12 events, an average of 161,750 purchases per event. By comparison, the company drew 2,594,000 domestic buys on 13 shows through the first 11 months of November; an average of 199,500 buys per show. Pay-per-view purchases are down 18.9% per show.
Credit to www.f4wonline.com or PWInsider.com

In the more detailed look at the numbers which saw UFC have eleven PPV’s garner over half a million PPV buys or more (three ppv’s were over the 1 Million mark), The WWE’s numbers just continue to drop. These PPV’s especially which I think we all can agree were pretty bad for the most part.

96,000 - WWE Money in the Bank John Cena vs. Sheamus cage match
96,000 - WWE Night of Champions John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho vs. Edge vs. Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus
87,000 - WWE Fatal Four Way John Cena vs. Sheamus vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton
73,000 - WWE Bragging Rights Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett/Undertaker vs. Kane Buried Alive
Credit to www.f4wonline.com

The WWE probably is trying to figure out why these numbers are the way they are. To an extent it’s because there’s no Stone Cold Steve Austin or The Rock. I contend it’s simple economics. WWE PPV’s cost $44.95 a pop and considering most WWE ppv’s are thrown together at the last minute, it’s just not worth ordering them. Sure UFC are probably over saturating the market but they at least giving people bang for their buck. Even if they do two PPV’s a month they will make sure both of them are separate and important. Now when it comes to stars, according to the numbers Brock Lesnar is the biggest draw in all of sports and or entertainment. He has two 1 Million buy PPV’s in a single year. Only Mike Tyson did that back in 1996…but he had three. It goes back to my question imagine if Brock didn’t leave the WWE when he did. Sure he probably would have been phoning it in as he was uninspired, but the numbers don’t lie. Brock Lesnar probably would be single handedly carrying the entire Wrestling PPV industry on his large tattooed back.

I can only suspect that the numbers for the WWE will continue to go down while the numbers for the UFC continue to stay where they are. Aside from cutting the price of the PPV’s in half (which they will not do), I have no idea what the WWE could do to make all these PPV’s worth a damn.

I honestly do not know what kind of year 2011 is going to be. For me personally this column took way longer then it should have to write. I think when it comes down to it that’s just the general apathy people like me who are just common fans have towards the product of professional wrestling in general. Maybe with any luck ROH can get on a channel other then HD Net sometime in the future. At the very least HD Net could probably convert down to a non-HD feed or something. Just put everything in widescreen and it will look the same. That’s what FOX does for football and baseball now.

Here’s to hoping 2011 is an eventful year for everyone (me especially). On that note I am done for this week. With any luck I will be back much sooner since TNA has some sort of PPV next week…though I don’t know anyone who actually orders those things anymore.

So until next time, remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.
You can click here to send me any and all feedback at phantomlordnyc@yahoo.com or leave me some feedback on my Facebook page under my given name http://www.facebook.com/josephrd

The Rant Of The Week: Nexus & Santinomania

Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord and this is my Rant Of The Week. As always I am coming to you from the urban hellhole that is Brooklyn, New York and have I ever mentioned how much I hate New York weather sometimes? Don’t get me wrong because I love this city, but the weather we get is so damn wacky. First off since we are right off the water we get all the lovely wind that is associated with it. If you have a cold that just won’t go away, a stiff twenty mph wind just won’t help matters. Ah well despite mother nature’s best efforts, I am here and there is plenty of news and opinion to get to.

Hmm if my calculations are correct, this column is apparently my eighty-eighth since going into syndication. Over five years in and I haven’t even broken the century mark yet. In reality if I go back to when I first started writing columns regularly back in 2001, I believe the number would have to be somewhere around 250 columns. I have most of them buried on my external hard drive. Maybe someday I’ll put them all in a proper archive of some sort. Books seem to be all the rage for some wrestling types.

Would anyone even buy a copy of the “mostly” complete Phantom Lord Rant’s? Who knows, in another fifteen years that might be an interesting look at Pro wrestling in the twenty first century. Of course that is under the assumption that one I make it another fifteen years and in those fifteen years I haven’t finally gone off the deep end and stopped writing all together. Well on that note let us start with this week’s rant.

Sad news to report to start things off as the oldest living former NWA World Heavyweight Champion Édouard Carpentier passed away two weeks ago. There is plenty of controversy over his win against Lou Thesz, but in the NWA back then that sort of stuff was normal. Wrestling from the 1950’s is a by gone era. It was a time when little old lady’s with the big hats and equally big hat pins (for stabbing bad guys with) would sit front row center and smack the bad guy with their purse that just happened to have a brick in it. My Aunt Elizabeth’s mother from what I have been told was one of those little old ladies. Pro wrestling needs more little old ladies wielding purses and hat pins at people.

For those of us who did not know much about Carpentier, Slam Wrestling has a really good obituary on the life and career of Carpentier on their website.

http://slam.canoe.ca/Slam/Wrestling/2010/11/01/15909511.html

In the Wrestling Observer, Dave Meltzer posted the following in his obit that I saw posted on a board I go to. It’s so awesome I just had to share it with you.

Carpentier was also involved in another of the most famous matches of the era, the famed “riot at the Garden,” on November 19, 1957, teaming with Rocca against Dick the Bruiser & Dr. Jerry Graham. Rocca and Graham got out of control as both bled, which whipped the crowd into a frenzy. Hundreds of fans charged the ring, chairs were broken and fruit and other food items were thrown. There were a dozen brawls, with Bruiser, who never met a street fight he didn’t like, as the major target. As fans went after him, Bruiser was described in newspaper reports as picking them up as they charged him and throwing them out of the ring, like a farmer digging potatoes. Rocca and Graham stopped their brawl to admire Bruiser’s handiwork with the rioting fans. Graham started helping Bruiser in cleaning the ring of fans. Police arrived along with more than 100 ushers who were working the show, trying to calm the crowd down. It was Rocca who calmed down the riot when he started speaking in Spanish asking the fans to stop, saying that if they would just get out of his way and stop rioting, he vowed he would take care of Graham and Bruiser. There were 300 chairs destroyed, two policeman injured, a number of fans hurt and three fans arrested.

Maybe this was just more of the awesomeness that was Dick The Bruiser and just the kind of hatred that was being generated, but damn that is an amazing story. This was at the old Madison Square Garden. See this is the kind of stuff that Pro wrestling needs. We don’t need convoluted shoot angles where someone screws over someone. All you need is a good riot once in a while.

With Carpentier’s passing, another from a long gone era is in the great arena in the sky. Unlike today where you can find just about anything on Youtube, very little from the 1950’s is around aside from clips. The WWE probably has a lot of these clips just sitting in the vault collecting dust. Just like any kind of history, there really needs to be an effort made to protect and preserve any surviving footage for future generations. Pro Wrestling in the 1950’s was not glamorous. But everything that is done today was started back in those seedy smoke filled halls. I know many in the WWE and probably TNA would love to distance themselves from the old “rasslin” days, but I think many of us would rather see things return to those simpler times. With the WWE that will never happen, but with TNA if it had some leadership who knew what the hell they were doing it could.

I will get to TNA in a moment because there are just a couple of news bits that are just too good to pass up.

First I have to talk about the continued greatness of Wade Barrett. He is quickly becoming the best bad guy in all of the WWE. He has his smug British charm and he turns that up to eleven as he runs down John Cena. We got the latest turn in the story two weeks on RAW as Barrett made Cena the special referee in his title match against Randy Orton at the Survivor Series. If Barrett wins the title then John Cena gets his freedom. But if Barrett does not win the title, then Cena is FIRED. Of course John Cena is all conflicted because he doesn’t want to sell out his principals and hand Barrett the title. On the other he also doesn’t want to get fired. Yes there’s an obvious logic flaw in this with that if Cena gets fired then obviously he would be a free agent and could just get resigned. But ignoring that little fact this whole angle has been so great. I’m not so convinced it is going to end with Super Cena destroying Wade Barrett. Assuming Cena does the right thing and Barrett wins the WWE title, the WWE would be stupid to have Cena go back to being Super Cena and win back the title at the Royal Rumble.

They have something really special with Wade Barrett and if they were smart they would strike while the iron is hot.

No disrespect to Randy Orton, but Orton as the PG Stone Cold just sucks. Orton was at his peak when he was making the life of Triple H a living hell. That is the sort of stuff he should be doing. Sure the crowds would still cheer for him. We American’s love to root for a great sociopath. But Orton seems to have been hand cuffed in some way and everything about him now seems so forced. Wade Barrett on the other hand has a rocket on his back and he is just waiting for the fuse to be lit. There are so many ways the Barrett/Cena angle can play out and all of them are pretty good. I am one of those people who think feuds should last years, not weeks or months. But the fact it’s lasted this long in the WWE is a really good sign. There was this news bit from the Figure Four about Barrett’s future next year.

WWE's creative team has discussed holding a Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett program at some point in 2011. The Nexus spokesman is said to be "super over" with key personnel in the organization and has consequently overtaken the position held by Sheamus earlier this year. They also feel he has surpassed the "Celtic Warrior" in garnering heat from the audience. Also on tap for Barrett is the climax of his feud with John Cena early next year, and a subsequent WrestleMania program with The Undertaker— providing the SmackDown star is healthy.

Barrett and Sheamus, as well Cena and Randy Orton, are considered the focal points of Raw going forward, until Triple H returns and joins the main event mix. Sheamus' current program with John Morrison is considered a placeholder feud until the "King of Kings" returns to action.
Credit to www.f4wonline.com

Honestly I could care less if Triple H ever comes back. Sheamus being the guy that took out the game is better in the long run. Sheamus the guy who got his ass kicked by Triple H does nothing for Sheamus. Yes I know that in the traditional sense, if someone is taken out then they have to come back and get their revenge. But with Triple H there isn’t that kind of sympathy. With Triple H and all that he has done over the years, now that he’s gone he’s not really missed. Triple H is still going to probably be around for the next decade or so as he continues with his mission to beat Ric Flair’s record of sixteen world title reigns. I just don’t want to see Barrett suffer because Triple H needs his annual world title run.

See if Barrett wins the WWE title, what should happen is he holds it for a long time. Maybe longer then JBL did a few years ago. He has Nexus, so Nexus can run interference for him. When they finally have someone who can conquer Nexus and then beat Barrett it will be such a huge moment. Sort of like how it was the night Lex Luger beat Hulk Hogan on Nitro for the WCW Title. Of course WCW fucked that up a week later when Hogan got his precious belt back, but the scene on Nitro is what I like to remember. They can do the same thing here with Nexus and Wade Barrett. The WWE has messed up so many angles over the years. It would be nice if one didn’t end the predictable way we figure it probably will. Until that happens I am not complaining. Barrett continues to rule the world and I couldn’t be happier.

One thing I am not happy about is the continued misuse of Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov. Does the WWE not realize how over Santino is? Vlad is pretty over in his own right, but Santino is easily one of the top five good guys in the entire company. Instead of going with this they continue to make him a joke week after week. Don’t get me wrong; the guy is tremendous with comedy. But it drives me nuts that they book him like a Barry Horowitz of sorts. I don’t know what the deal is with the WWE. Any time they have someone really super over (either by luck or by accident) they always ignore and continue to push others. I like John Morrison, but Morrison as a bland face sucks. Morrison should be paired with Melina so they can be the A-List Assholes that they are so good at being.

Santino and Kozlov have a chemistry that cannot be explained. It shouldn’t work, but it does. The WWE needs to capitalize on this and stop screwing around with Santino. Since he and Vlad are a tag team logic would dictate that they should go after the tag team titles. Having them feud with Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater would be a lot better then The Hart Dynasty having a lovers quarrel every week for no real reason. Two week’s ago on RAW they had Santino come out playing the ultimate chickenshit coward and it was so great. Vlad comes out to fight his battle and he gets one of the biggest laughs of the year with “YOU TALK FUNNY…I MUST CRUSH YOU”. I have been begging the WWE since Kozlov first debuted for them to channel Ivan Drago and it finally happened. Again the WWE needs to strike while the iron is hot. Sheamus will survive being in this feud with Santino and Morrison. After it’s over (I’m assuming in another week or so), Santino and Kozlov should go right into the mix for the tag team titles. They aren’t doing anything else with them so it’s not like it would be that big of a deal.

I mean what could the WWE have in mind for the tag titles that would be better then Nexus vs. Santino and Kozlov? Another gauntlet thrown together at the last minute on a PPV match where random people fight for the title? The last time they did that the crowd was so indifferent you could hear a pin drop, especially when Rhodes and McIntyre won. People just want to root for Santino. Plus the guy despite being a comedy act is actually a very skilled judoka. I know in the WWE, MMA is a dirty word but it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if they at least let someone who has the skills show them off. I’m all for Santino and Kozlov doing comedy. But I would also like to see them not look like jokes week after week.

You know what, after this past week’s Tea Time with Santino & Kozlov, just put Santino in the WWE Title hunt right now. Santino raging against the machine of Nexus and Wade Barrett would be fun stuff. Okay maybe that would be a bit rash of a decision, but damn it Santino is so awesome. Vlad as the straight man for Santino had me rolling with laughter the other night; especially when Santino kept motioning for him to shut up.

See the WWE on rare occasions like this can do comedy. One company that tries to do comedy even though it’s passed off as SERIOUS DRAMA is TNA. God this company really drives me nuts as a viewer and as a fan.

Right now it’s like watching the n.W.O. formation all over again. Immortal is running total rough shot over everyone of interest in the company. In the usual dramatic sense you build tension to hook the viewer in. But here it’s just more of the same old bullshit from the same people from fifteen years ago. Hogan is supposed to be running the show, but he’s so crippled these days if he graces Impact with his presence it’s a rare treat. Immortal wouldn’t be so bad if it were just Flair and Bischoff at the helm with Hardy as the chosen champion. Hogan offers nothing to the deal since the only thing anyone would want to see with him involve him getting his ass kicked. But it appears a light breeze would be enough to shatter his body into a million pieces so I doubt Hogan being even chopped by Samoa Joe or getting the DDE from The Pope will happen anytime soon.

Ultra-Emo heel Jeff Hardy is actually not a bad gimmick. Hardy is channeling some late 90’s Raven (not quite mid 90’s Raven, but better then nothing). Hardy railing on the fans for enabling him and his dare devil lifestyle is actually great stuff. But leave it to TNA to have no fucking idea how to use this correctly. Jeff should just go full out Raven and lead a flock of his own. People blindly cheer for Jeff no matter what. Jeff could give a swanton to Jesus Christ in the ring and people would still cheer for him. I don’t think it’s possible for people to hate Jeff Hardy. Sure people can hate Matt Hardy with no problem, but Jeff doesn’t have the asshole quality on television it takes to get people that pissed off at you.

Of course being forth on the totem pole behind Jarrett, Abyss, and Bischoff in Immortal might have something to do with it. Dude is the World Champion and he’s not even on Hogan’s level in the group.

Speaking of Hardy’s World championship, wow have you seen the new TNA World Championship title belt?



Kids, and you can quote me on this. This belt is a good reason why doing acid and graphic design does not mix.

I know Jeff Hardy is supposed to be out there and all, but after just looking at the proposed sketches of this thing who in TNA thought it would possibly be a good idea? If Hardy paid for this thing by himself more power to him, but for a company that always claims it needs to cut back on spending if they spent money on this I would demand my money back.

Apparently a good friend of Shannon Moore designed the belt. In commissioning this belt they also made a D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F title belt but TNA said nah we won’t use that one on television. Seeing the big brother to the WWE Diva’s championship belt I can only imagine what Moore’s belt looks like.

Then again this is the same company that gave J-Woww from the Jersey Shore $15 grand for what was five minutes of work but some how they claim they can’t afford to give the knockouts a measly little increase in pay. They also just resigned Eric Young to a lesser money per appearance deal (which at first he turned down). Janice Carter (yes the Janice that Abyss’s girl is named after) is doing the books according to some reports and I would love to see a reaction segment where Dixie is pleading with her mom about needing money for something stupid but they just can’t afford to keep another knockout on the payroll.

It’s really a shame because with some simple changes TNA could actually be worth a damn. They would get ratings that aren’t stagnant, they would get PPV buys, and hell they would actually get people to go to their live events.

I could name them all off right now, but I don’t work for free. If TNA wants my list it will cost them. But since it is almost the Holiday season here in America I will give them one for free.

Okay people from TNA who read this column. Take out a piece of paper and get a pen.

I’ll give you a moment.



Ready?

Here we go.


STOP SCREWING AROUND WITH JAY LETHAL.

What is wrong with all of you? You have the ultimate babyface in Jay Lethal and for the last couple of years you have done nothing but dick the poor guy around. Okay I admit it; the whole Black Machismo thing was a fluke. Obviously you never figured it would get over but it did. So now here we are and Lethal is one of the most over guys in the company and he just lost the friggin X Division title to a guy with a giant fist on his ass.

I actually do like Robbie E. and Cookie. But should he be X-Division champion? FUCK NO. The X Division championship is like a cheap whore that gets passed around. Remember when the damn company was built around the title?

TNA stop screwing around with Jay Lethal. When he beat Ric Flair that should have been the step to the next level. Hell he should still be feuding with Ric Flair and Fortune but now he’s back to the bottom of the damn barrel. With Immortal destroying everyone, there needs to be someone who can be the face that people can get behind. Jay Lethal is that person. He has a Ricky Steamboat quality to him where it is impossible to boo against him.

So there you have it. That is my one freebie that I am giving to TNA. In the mean time that is it for this week’s column. I will be honest and tell you that I don’t know when my next column might be. The next few weeks for me are going to be hectic, as finals will be coming up in one month in mid December. It’s funny a year ago I was a ship with out a rutter just going around in circles and here I am about to complete my first term back in school. If you have noticed why I am slightly happier now you know why.

On one sad and final note this past Saturday marked the fifth anniversary of the passing of Eddie Guerrero. It’s a death that many of us as fans have not gotten over and we probably never will. Eddie was just an amazing wrestler and even better person. My thoughts go out to Vickie, Eddie’s children, Chavo, and the rest of the Guerrero family and all of Eddie’s friends in this sad time. But they say to remember all of the good times and just looking on Youtube and watching an old Eddie promo or match brings a smile to my face.

Rest In Peace Eddie.

Well until next time take care and remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.

You can click here to send me any and all feedback at phantomlordnyc@yahoo.com or leave me some feedback on my Facebook page under my given name http://www.facebook.com/josephrd

The Rant Of The Week: TNA Are Dumbasses

Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord and this is the all mighty Rant Of The Week. As always I am coming to you from the urban slum that is Brooklyn, New York and fall is finally upon us. It’s been rather windy and cool the last few days so it’s nice to have that crisp in the air. Over the last week TNA had Bound For Glory and the Impact with all the post PPV stuff. Yeah you can just imagine what I’m going to be saying about all of that so sit back and get ready because it will be some VINTAGE Phantom Lord fire & brimstone. But before I get to the bad, for my own sanity I will cover the good first. Despite what people might think I am not negative all the time. There’s actually stuff I enjoy.

First off Strikeforce had a really good main event last weekend with Nick Diaz defending the Strikeforce Welterweight title against K.J. Noons. The fight was a great stand up affair as Diaz and Noons just traded punches with each other. Noons it was just revealed had his jaw broken in the first round and his hand fractured in the second. The fight went the full five rounds and it is easily in the top five for 2010. Strikeforce though is TNA to the UFC’s WWE. They have all the talent and a great roster, but as usual the booking always seems to make things fall flat. Promotion also is pretty weak, as I honestly didn’t know there was a Strikeforce event on Showtime until a day or so before. But those things aside Diaz vs. Noons was a damn good fight.

According to MiddleEasy.com there was some good post fight drama as well involving Nick Diaz. If you remember a few months ago there was a HUGE brawl at the Strikeforce Nashville event when Miller got into the cage to trash talk Jake Shields. The Diaz brothers then went after him and all hell broke loose. MMA not understanding that non-MMA purists love scenes like this tried to keep Miller and Nick Diaz away from each other and apparently it didn’t work.

From what I was told, Mayhem was supposed to exit out of the post-fight press conference doors and take a right, while Nick Diaz was going to enter the room in the opposite direction. In short, both fighters would have never crossed paths if this initial plan actually worked, however things sort of 'screwed up'. As Mayhem Miller was walking down the corridor, he abruptly turned around and walked the other way. As the two were approaching each other, things seemed to be somewhat civil. Out of nowhere, Nick Diaz launched a water bottle directly at Mayhem's face -- almost at point-blank range. It hit Mayhem directly in the face, water exploded everywhere and Miller looked stunned. Security got in-between the two and Nick Diaz held his arms up and said 'Come on you fat [expletive]!'. He then tried shoving the security away to get close to Mayhem while screaming 'Let's do it right now!'. Nick Diaz managed to get within swinging distance, and then more security jumped in and held back Nick and finally got him to walk in the opposite direction, towards the post-fight press conference room. This altercation happened outside of the locker rooms. This is not a rumor, it's 100% true.
Credit to www.middleeasy.com/

Man I really hope in the day and age with everyone and their mother having a camera phone there is video of this. If Strikeforce were smart they would sign Miller/Diaz all ready and promote the hell out of it. Build it up as the MMA equivalent of Haggler/Herns or something along those lines. Strikeforce doesn’t have many big money fights. They have one with it right here. They need to pull the trigger on it while the iron is still hot. I know it kills MMA purists when stuff like this happens. But these people need to realize that MMA is exactly what Boxing used to be. All the best Boxing matches were built on someone heeling it up and talking a lot of shit at a press conference coughALIcough. It’s a simple idea that works. You have a guy who the people want to see get beat. Of course if that guy is any good he won’t get beat and eventually you build up to a fight where maybe there is someone who can knock him out.

Since I am majoring in screen writing I understand basic plot points a lot better. All sports have them and Strikeforce if it wants to remain viable needs to exploit that in the future. When it comes to TNA, as a budding writer my head wants to explode. The plot points make no sense what so ever and some how this show. But I will get to that in a little bit and believe me there is a lot to get to.

Before I get to that I have to comment on how much I love John Cena having to go against everything he stands for and be subservient to Wade Barrett. Barrett is so great and to see Cena have to bow before him like Superman did to Zod is tremendous. Of course we all know how it’s going to eventually end when Cena gets that loophole so he can OVERCOME THE ODDS, but until then it’s going to be fun. Nexus has been booked pretty bad since Summerslam. But at least with this there is some hope that things will rebound. I really hope Barrett wins the WWE Championship and runs with it till Wrestlemania…that is if the WWE can overcome their A.D.D. when it comes to angles lasting more then a few weeks. Personally I wish the WWE would just go a bit further with Cena being subservient to Wade Barrett. For starters since he’s a member of Nexus he should dress as one. Barrett should force him to wear the shirt and get rid of that hideous purple shit he wears. I mean the kids will still wear it just because the kids will continue to support him no matter what. But it would be fun to see Cena stripped of his image. The heat Barrett would get probably would be mid 80’s Piper at MSG if done correctly.

Barrett as WWE Champion would be much better then Randy Orton right now. Randy Orton is great, but he is so out of his comfort zone right now as the WWE tries to make him the new Stone Cold. Okay sure Orton has the whole sociopath thing down pat. But there has just been something off with Orton the last few months since this new direction with him began. I don’t think it’s his fault. He’s on RAW so like most guys there he just goes through the motions because that’s all they want. It’s not like they have any competition so there’s no reason to go out all out. Well there’s Monday Night Football and some really good shows on against RAW, but in Vince’s mind while the WWE is apart of Americana…those are not competition. I know it’s crazy but you have to realize Vince is a wee bit out of touch with what’s hip. Yes he probably pays people a lot of money to tell him what’s hip, but as we know he doesn’t really listen to them and he ends up doing what ever he wants anyway. I can’t fault him for that though. If I had a company the size of the WWE I’d do what ever I wanted also. Luckily for us this stuff with Barrett is working right now so at least we can hope there will be a good Orton vs. Nexus feud where John Cena has to continue to serve the Nexus at every turn.

I read somewhere that the working idea for Cena and Barrett is supposed to be like the dynamic with Virgil and The Million Dollar Man. I am all for John Cena being a servant to Wade Barrett for the next five years or so.

Okay that will never happen, but one can dream.

Now what isn’t fun is watching TNA. TNA finally unleashed the latest in their continuing series of “EARTHSHAKING SURPRISES” as Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff turned heel along with Jeff Hardy as he won the TNA World Championship. In minor supporting roles of confusion where Abyss and Jeff Jarrett.

It wasn’t really a surprise since this was seen coming months ago. The moment TNA booked the venue in Daytona it was painfully clear what they were going to do. TNA is booked as a nostalgia company so why not go to the building where the n.w.o. Was formed and hope maybe some of that same magic is still floating around. Well that didn’t happen. What did happen was a very sad sight as Hulk Hogan limped and waddled his way down to the ring with a couple of security guards next to him to hold him up just incase gravity won it’s battle.

Hardy winning the TNA Title was lost in all of this as once again the main event was just the backdrop for the screw job of the moment.

I could have lived with TNA doing this, but on Impact they turned the stupidity up to eleven. First off they had to do a thirty-minute opening segment where Bischoff and Hogan explained in detail every small detail of how they stole TNA away from Dixie Carter. In the real world this would be the opening and closing arguments in the criminal case against them as they admitted to multi million-dollar fraud to get the controlling shares of TNA. Yes, Dixie is a moron because she didn’t read what was in front of her. But the fact still remains in the real world just because she was stupid enough to sign it does not mean it would still stand. But looking past that glaring error in logic and reason, this episode was something else. The show went damn near 76 minutes with out any wrestling what so ever. Yeah around the 45 minute mark there was a women’s match of sorts, but that was such an abortion it didn’t count at all (and I will get to that in a little bit).

This whole episode was like they took old WCW scripts and picked through them for the most insane stuff.

Somehow ratings wise it worked. TNA Impact drew a 1.41 rating (even though the ratings dropped like a rock later). The fact that TNA drew such a high rating for such a bad show means everyone in TNA thinks they have found a winning formula. So obviously this means more of this sort of stuff. This also means I won’t be watching TNA in the future if they keep doing this. I sound like a broken record at this point, but I guess I have to keep repeating myself when it comes to TNA. I remember ordering the early TNA ppv’s and they were everything the WWE wasn’t. Sure there was still plenty of the same kind of bullshit that WCW had but at least you were getting some damn good wrestling thrown in with it. Now it’s all bullshit...Nothing but BULLSHIT.

So we have this group Immortals which is headed by Hogan and Bischoff with Baby Hughie Abyss, Jeff “I know who signs my checks” Jarrett, and Jeff Hardy for the WTF factor. Jeff to his credit actually is pretty good as a heel. He was channeling some mid 90’s Raven during his promo when he said the fans were responsible for his pain. Jeff Hardy as a heel by himself with maybe a small stable of flunkies wouldn’t be so bad. But looking at this group, Jeff as the World Champion is FORTH behind Jarrett and Abyss.

ABYSS IS AHEAD OF THE FUCKING WORLD CHAMPION IN THE TOP STABLE IN THE COMPANY.

It gets better (if that’s even possible). After Hogan and Bischoff did their bit about how they run the company, out comes Fortune. Ric Flair and company get a huge pop from the crowd and they get our hopes up that maybe someone will stand up to Hogan.

Nope. Ric Flair bowed before Hogan and kissed his ring.

Ric Flair and Fortune are now the second string in Immortal. Basically the one group TNA somehow managed to work is now the N.W.O. B Team.

There was a lot more stuff on this episode of Impact but much like most of my childhood I am blocking it out for the benefit of my own sanity.

If you read the spoilers for the October 21st edition of Impact then you can only imagine what my reaction will be to that show. I won’t ruin it for the one or two of you who actually likes to be surprised. But lets just say the word DUMB and ASSESS will be used a lot that night.

Speaking of dumbass moves, TNA managed to destroy the once viable Knockouts division. Every now and then there is a glimmer of hope but in typical TNA fashion they just kill that hope. Ever since TNA ran the likes of Awesome Kong, ODB, and Alyssa Flash out of the company for various reasons the once mighty Knockouts division which was TNA’s only proven draw has become a shell of it’s former self.

I believe this chart of sorts was posted originally on Nodq.com and it explains my point better then I ever could.

Tara started off champion.
April 5, 2010: Angelina Love won the title in the Lockbox Challenge.
April 18, 2010: Madison won the title in a tag match by pinning Tara.
July 11, 2010: Angelina Love won the title by DQ.
July 13, 2010: Madison was awarded the title in a decision reversal.
August 9, 2010: Angelina pinned Madison to win the title.
October 10, 2010: Tara pinned Velvet Sky to win Angelina's title.
October 11, 2010: Tara laid down and let Madison Rayne pin her to win the title.
In the past six months, there has been seven title changes, and the challenger pinned the reigning champion once in a competitive match.

That’s pretty damn amazing even for Russo booking. I really feel sorry for the women of the Knockouts division. They get paid next to nothing and the little television time they get is turned into a joke. I’ve always said the people who run TNA have women issues (ironic since the company is run in theory by a woman) and the way the Knockouts are treated proves it.

Last month there was this bit of news from an interview that Indy darling Sara Del Ray gave and this is what Sarah del Ray had to say about TNA in a recent interview

When asked whether she has had any contact with TNA about joining the Knockouts, she said: “Yeah, they’re not interested.” Later, speaking on whether she was ever told to be more ‘girly’, Del Rey said: “I’m feminine but I’m not super girly. I don’t want to be something I’m not and no one’s really told me that I have to be one way or another.”

She added: “TNA did tell me I need more of what The Beautiful People have and I kind of took that in the sense to be more feminine, but then I thought, ‘Oh, you already have a roster full of that.’
Source: www.divadirt.com



Yeah I can totally see why TNA wouldn’t want someone like her.

Dumbasses.

The Knockouts used to be everything the WWE divas weren’t. Now they might as well be clones of the division. Don’t get me wrong I love The Beautiful People. But centering the whole division around them as faces is just horrible. Evidence of this was the segments they had last week with J Woww of The Jersey Shore. In went over like the proverbial lead balloon. Add to that the fact TNA paid her $15 Thousand…yes THOUSAND (more then all the Knockouts combined make a month) for those segments and it just shows how stupid this company really is. Oh sure it might have gotten TNA some exposure (such as MTV saying she would be appearing with TNA Boxing), but over all it did not a damn thing for the product as a whole.

Plus that little show she’s on IS UP AGAINST IMPACT.

I feel sorry for Mickie James for signing with this company. Okay sure she doesn’t have to deal with Old Lady McCool anymore, but at least the WWE is somewhat competent when it comes to the women.

Don’t jump all over me. I didn’t say they were good, I just said they were somewhat.

The funny thing about Mickie James debut that should have honestly been much bigger then they handled it. In typical TNA fashion instead of hyping the hell out of it they just cut to the back and oh hey look it’s Mickie James. Mickie’s first TNA match was also squandered, as it wasn’t on a PPV or even on an Impact. It was just a random match on Xplosion. Mickie took on Sarita and that just proves my dumbass theory about TNA. I mean that right there is a match a lot of us would want to see. Instead it’s buried on a show THAT DOESN’T EVEN AIR IN THE UNITED STATES.

Oh there’s plenty of time for the mutual admiration society meetings with Hogan and Bischoff or Dixie Carter’s fine acting chops (SERGE…SERGE). But God forbid they give five minutes on Impact for a match that might actually draw in viewers.

I’ll probably continue to watch. I’m a glutton for punishment so I’ll just watch despite the fact I clearly know better. Besides ROH isn’t on regular cable television and there are no local wrestling companies here in New York City that are on television either. So on the off chance I want to see something interesting I’m stuck with TNA for the time being. Besides if they ever got their shit together and put on decent show I would probably have to officially retire writing columns. As long as TNA is the way it is then I’ll have a wealth of material for sometime to come.

On that note I am done for this week. Hopefully I will be back sooner rather then later with my next column. But school is getting pretty busy now and who knows if I’ll have the attention span for it. I will try to be back though as the WWE has another PPV most people won’t be ordering next weekend so depending on how that goes there could be interesting stuff to come out of it.

But until next time, remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.

You can click here to send me any and all feedback at phantomlordnyc@yahoo.com or leave me some feedback on my Facebook page under my given name http://www.facebook.com/josephrd